I will never not love him.

Whenever I sit down to write this love story of me and my first Miami crush nothing comes out. And I always wonder why? The connection we had was so natural, so right, yet the timing was always so wrong. What I felt for him I do not think I will ever feel for another person. A person that I bonded with so instantly. I will always believe he was my soul mate. Too bad we will never see what we could be. Not that on several occasions we haven't tried, but he is so tarnished by all those terrible women of his past that he is afraid of what something great with an amazing woman, me!, could be like. But I'm a believer of what is meant to be will be. If he truly is my soul mate, we will in due time find each other again. 

Any person, who knows me, knows I do not want children. But he is the only man with a child I am willing to consider into my life. Because I feel the lust, passion and connection we felt could truly blossom into an amazing love affair. 

So its not that I can't write our love story. It is just that the way I feel for this man cannot be put into words. I know what we shared was rare and real, and I wouldn't erase those feelings for anything. They have made me a better, stronger and more confident lover. He is amazing and I wish he finds someone that will accept him and love him nearly as much as I did. 

So I will never not love him, but I have just learned how to love him...

our bond

The day finally arrived.

It was time. We walked into the leasing office of our 'future home' and we were greeted so appropriately. After waiting for a few mins we were led into a model of our future place. I felt the feeling of home instantly. The leasing consultant then said she will give us time alone. We paced slowly, checking everything out precisely. He grabbed my hand and we entered the bedroom. Then at that moment, the day finally arrived, then was the time. We entered the room together, me walking in as his girlfriend and leaving as his wife. For some reason,our bond was instant- it was magnificent! No day could ever replace that day.

It was our time.

Our First Anniversary

I am such a blessed woman words cannot begin to express the happiness and excitement that still goes through my mind, 2 days after my boyfriend and I celebrated our first anniversary. Although our anniversary was on thursday we both decided to celebrate friday because I had class on thursday and it would have been better for the both of us. 
So we have been planning to take pictures for the longest and we finally did for our anniversary. That started our evening and then we had a romantic dinner. What I wanted for us was to have a wonderful evening with no interruptions and that's exactly what I got. 
We took our pictures and headed to the restaurant the entire ride we laughed and talked and just fell in love all over again. The atmosphere in the restaurant made the night even more romantic soft music and low lighting it was wonderful. Even though the food was not all that great we still had a wonderful time in each other's company. 
We were waiting on the car after leaving the restaurant and we began talking about who to give pictures to and the one person we both came up with we decided to take them to her. I said to him "Baby we can take her the pictures and then go home and finish our evening" he asked me to repeat what I said and I did. Then he said to me that is the first time you have ever said that and you have turned me on. I said to him "I will be glad when I can say that for good" and then we got in the car and followed our plan. 
We got home and it was if we were already married and coming home from a night out, it just felt so real and right. We got in the bed and ended our night with passionate love making and then cuddling.


I didn't want to leave but I know I will be back again soon and soon I will be there permanently. Any-who my baby and I enjoyed ourselves and I am still on cloud 9.


I'm so HAPPY!!!!!!!

they were

Some people claim to have found that "one" then things get hard and the tables turn. 


They say there's no one else... then down the line you're wondering "who else".


She claimed it to be love, but left him when things got tough. 


He say his heart taken, then again between ms. lady legs  vacant--d*mn. 


They are so in love, a month later we're all wondering what could have happened. 


He cherish his wife, he has only hit her twice. 


She cooks, clean, and cheat-- while he's working all week. 


Their wedding was too beautiful, but their divorce was pitiful. 


Did you notice his smile when she entered the room? Yep! I wonder how his wife feels. 


Is she really flirting with the DJ? Her husband said thats just her personality. 


They had a loving family. But we will never know why he murdered them suddenly. 


Yea, I saw them earlier, they were so lubby-dubby. Did you not notice the hand prints that covered every 
inch?


He got her the biggest Diamond ring I've ever seen! That was to make up from what happened with Christine.


 meant to be.... 

bad to good!

I was having the WORST day yesterday because my roommate is an imbecile. I spent minutes screaming, huffing and puffing-- Until, the love of my Life called my phone. He sensed my sadness immediately, allowed me to share my story (what just took place) and quickly provided alternatives to make my Life easier. Once everything was settled he changed the conversation smoothly. He changed one of the worst days of my Life into one of the best days of my Life!


~There's no such thing as a bad day when you have a good man!

Every Love Song Has A Reason & Season

Then:

I remember when we first hooked up we were only 14, it was all about us.

All day on the phone and the stuff we discussed.

You used to come over when my mom was gone

We didn't know what we were doing but we got our freak on

That was when it started getting real feeling kept getting caught

Gifts started being bought and everybody knew the deal

We used to hang out kiss argue and all that

Hang up the phone and call right back

The older we got everyone said that we were going to change

But when 2-1 came you and I were still in the game

'08' new version of Bonny and Clyde

No matter what it was we were side-by-side

Now:

Who knew we would be where we are here today

Who knew our love would ever be called a memory

Who knew my home for happiness would soon be misery

Hate that we're so distant; do you even miss me at all?

That's why it's killing me, what we're going through

Somehow I thought our love would stand the test of time and never ever fade

I know that things weren’t going right, but don't you think it deserved a fight

A love like ours don't happen everyday.

How many times have you forgiven me?

How was I supposed to know that you were plain sick of me?

You don't just pick up and leave me sick like that

You don't throw away what we had, just like that

 It breaks my heart, to think that loving me is not easy to do

And I don't mean to make it hard, Sorry for all the changes I put you through

Now we are testing to see if the grass is greener on the other side

These separate dark roads is were we choose to reside

He said, ”I don’t think its meant to be” So forever this is you and me.

Always & Forever

Forever is a long time and time has a way of changing things

They say if you love something you’ve got to let it go

And if it comes back then its means much more

But if it never does at least you know 

That was something you had to go through to grow

So, if we ever see eye 2 eye again our wedding date (08-30-15) is set

Just meet at the alter in your white suit & Franck Muller on your left wrist (lol)

Music and Poetry by Paul Hartal

LOVE?

Many people ask what it is. Some even try to seek what they think love is. To the blind eye love is just a 4 letter word... or is it?

Could it be the bruised eye or bust lip?

Or the flowers the he brings home? Or is it when he says “you know how I get sometimes & by the way I love you".

Does this lead you to say: He doesn't mean to talk to me like that, I'm nothing, it’s my fault, but I know he loves me.

In my own experience I also questioned what real love is. I have

loved but have not experienced what it is to be loved back until now and

boy I don't want to let it go. Some may think it’s something you feel or

an emotion, but I think it’s something we possess that can’t be explained

only in action. We are meant to share love and for it to be shared

back with someone who is willing to take that high with you. As I

finish in all the things you do, don't give up on love, it’s your faith

and hope...

Here’s a quote that touched me in my closing about love...

"Love is like a mustard seed; planted by God and watered by men"

- Muda Saint Michael

IT'S OFFICIAL I'M CRAZY!

"You won’t let anyone Love you." So he said.

It’s my first semester in college and I had planned on being tunnel vision all the way to medical school, he came up on my blind side as just this dark skin tall clean cut brother, SMH then he hit me. He hit me so hard I'm still in shock. I planned on keeping my last name after the Dr. I strive for but now I feel like

I'm fighting for it and my heart. 

My heart is stuck to him and my brain is panicking searching for an escape. 

O'tay let me be clear, I feel like I'm ranting.

We met in our calculus class; we both sat in the front row on opposite ends of the class, this is when I first saw him. He would walk into the lab to study at times when I was there and all I could do is stare. After a bout of month and a half of me staring at my Songz (trey-songz that is) he finally spoke to me.

This is when I found out our dreams, goals, ambitions, visions of success, whatever you want to call it were pretty much the same....we we're ONE ever since day ONE.

"This is my first semester here, I'm a biology major and I transferred with my associates", he says. "Me too", I said. From that point on we became study friends, or at least that's what my brain called it.

Of course my heart didn’t get the memo and the romantic side of me took over. I started to fall for him heavily and now I’m so deep in I want to get out. My feelings for him weigh so heavily I’m suffocating, but I can’t imagine a day without him. He kisses me and my heart drops....he looks at me and my heart races....he touches me and I just about die! So why don’t I want this, why am I not happy, why do I keep searching for a way out and away from him.

BECAUSE HAVING HIM AND LETTING HIM GO IS A LOT LESS PAINFUL THAN LOOSING HIM OR REALIZING HE WASN'T REAL.....

My heart is so set on loving him...yup I’ve been avoiding the word the entire passage but I can’t anymore, so like I said, my heart is set on LOVING him. I want nothing more than to adore his every cell, I’ve got it so bad I don’t get a decent nights rest unless he’s there. So on the surface, I found this (seemingly) perfect guy, he's kind, loving, (as) honest (as they get), and most importantly God fearing.

The time we share together is priceless; we chose (his initial idea) not to have sex to focus on getting to know each other more but a part of me can't help but want to haul ass in another direction! 

 

Let me just say! It’s true! You go through so many butt-holes for men, when you finally get a good one you don't know how to act!

I've come to the simple conclusion I'M CRAZY. #caseclose

It's true, I can't trust anyone enough to allow them to love or get close to me so everyday becomes a constant battle with my thoughts. I come up with the most elaborate schemes to make him out to be a bad guy but he's not (at least I think so) and no matter how hard I try to convince myself the truth of it is there's no way (unless he has the ability to be in two places at once) that he could be with another girl. We sleep together at night, we have the same classes and we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together. That seems convincing enough but for whatever reason my brain isn't buying it.

So, what now????

Honestly I don’t know; I just plan on praying heavily about it because the one person I do trust fully with my heart is my LORD.

Emotions

I found myself having to breathe out LOUD

So, big I blew out a beautiful cloud filled with emotions, clusters of debris, feelings and the elements that made me, Me.

I watched the snow fall and I thought (wow) how it would feel to free fall each day and land on the check of someone’s face but just like the snow flakes, I’m washed away, I must admit I get confused, because the outside, is so beautiful.

I turn inside and look in my door, there's a storm inside that I'm not dressed for, tear filled eyes and the silent cries deep prayers and long sighs, it hurts to think of even saying bye....

But when I don’t speak I’m being difficult and when I do I’m talking crazy

Is it my fault we're different? And you keep trying to understand  I'm playing the role of a woman...your role is as the man

Yet you decide and revise, switching my truth to lies, I prefer to go in hide.....inside myself cause there is no one earth who knows what I mean.....my God your all I need, have mercy on me please.

I Lost My Mind !

This took place during Christmas vacation. Living on campus I had the option to stay there or travel home. I decided to travel home and return early to spend quality time with my boyfriend. We spoke the entire time I was home, except for the last few hours. As I was on my way back to the school I called him several times to let him know I was on my way and I only got the voicemail. Once I reached the school, I called a couple more times and did not get an answer.

Then I went to his dorm, to this room and knocked. No answer. Knocked again. No answer. Knocked again. No answer. So I banged on the door, until he came to the door.

He opened the door and I asked a million questions, such as why arent you answering the phone and attempted to walk into his dorm room. He said he is coming out so I don't have to come in. He entered the hall and we were discussing him not answering the phone. After a while, a girl walks out of his dorm room into the hall, right past us.

I LOST MY MIND!

Changed 4 months IN! -- Stay AWAY from this type of man... wait for the BEST!

It started out all good and anyone would have thought that it would have lasted forever, but I was sadly mistaken. As with any relationship it was all good in the beginning and he was there when I wanted him to be but that all quickly changed about 4 months into the relationship. Really, I mean he would call, text, come by the house, take me out and do just about anything I wanted. This man had me fooled and blinded so well that I found myself making excuses as to why he wasn't around and then blamed myself for wanting to be with him so much. 

And what makes it all worse is when he and I first started dating I was a virgin and I made the decision for him to be my first. 

After that happened everything just went down hill even farther. 

I had lost sight of myself and forgot about my happiness and what was important. I would make time for him and he would just brush me off like I didn't matter almost as if I didn't exist. Let me tell you that is the worse feeling in the world. I gave my all to someone who was not giving their all to me. He would make dates with me and then stand me up with not even a phone call. Because of him I wanted to give up on love and remove myself from the dating game. Three years I gave this man and he gave me his ASS to kiss. But THANK GOD for sending my boyfriend that I have now because he is not only my lover but my best friend. He has shown me so much love and I couldn't be happier.


 And remember I thought my ex was my first well come to find out he did NOTHING that my boyfriend is doing now.  My boyfriend is my first and I am so GLAD about that!!!! 


Do not ever give up on love because the one who is meant for you is still out there waiting on you!!!!

My Love Story

I am so incredibly happy that I really cannot explain it!!!


I have the best boyfriend in the world. He is so amazing to me and we have so much fun together. Our relationship has blossomed into something so beautiful its like a fairy tale. From the very first time I kissed his lips I knew he was my one and only. Its funny how a person could say that they are done with love and want to just be alone and one person can come along and change all of that in an instant.


That is exactly what happened between me and my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier about changing my mind and loving another again. He has shown me so much in the past year its crazy. The love we share to the love we make is just so wonderful and exciting. Don't get me wrong it has not always been this way we have had our ups and downs but at the end of the day our ups always out weigh our downs. 


Like when we first started talking it was not a bed of roses because my family disagreed with us being together but we worked through that and we are still together going strong. He understands me in every way and we actually finish each others sentences, or he can tell me exactly what i'm thinking. Its CRAZY right I know but I love it!!!! When we are together nothing in the world seems to matter anymore its as if we are the only ones left on earth and time has stopped. With him every minute feels like an hour and every hour feels like an eternity. 


The way he makes love to me sends my body into another dimension and I don't ever want to leave. The way we connect while making love is so strong we can't help but give in to ourselves.

      Like one night the sex was so good the man beyond put me to bed. He makes sure I get mine and I make sure he gets his. The way he touches me oh man I can't help but let him do what he pleases. Don't get me started on the kisses they are so passionate and intense, I LOVE KISSING HIM!!!!

He literally has me weak in the knees every time we are together but we did discover that making love every time we see each other is not always a good thing. In one of our discussions we agreed that we did not want a SEX based relationship and that meant we had to slow down on the SEX.

Now I know you are wondering if its all that why and how are you going to slow down?

Well its a lot of self-control and determination to have a deeper meaning relationship. 

Yes we love each other but sex should not be the only thing we have in common. So we do a lot of talking and learning about each other and believe it or not the sex has gotten better. I know I said that it was already wonderful but guess what it got even better, and yes it is possible. I would not trade him for anything in the world he is all mine and I could not be happier.

Are you wondering if he is just as happy...he surely is my baby is very happy and he lets me know everyday. 

I'm truly happy that I did not give up on love because I would have missed out on one of the best BLESSINGS I have ever been given. I'm happy and I wish everyone in the world could share in that same happiness. 

I'm in love and its the best feeling in the world.

 PEACE and LOVE!!!!!

-A.J.

Spellbound (1945)

Reading about LOVE is one thing. When experiencing LOVE is another.


After they met for the 1st time:


Dr. Edwardes (man)- Something has happened to us.
Dr. Petersen (woman)- But it doesn't happen like that, in a day.
Dr. Edwardes - It happens in a moment sometimes. I felt it this afternoon. It was like lightning striking. It strikes rarely.
Dr. Petersen - I don't understand how it happened.


She went after him:


Dr. Petersen - "Take care of you, cure you, and remain with you till that happens"
Dr. Edwardes - "But you can't, you can't help hide a criminal. You're going to jeopardize your standing as a doctor. You're just getting started. I won't let you be stupid about it"
Dr. Petersen - "I couldn't bear it away from you. I went through yesterday holding my breath as if I were being hunted-- I couldn't eat or work or do anything but think of you. So I had to come. I'm here as your doctor only. It has nothing to do with love"
Dr. Petersen - Nothing at all.
Dr. Petersen - Nothing at all. 


*The mind of a woman in love is operating on the lowest level of the intellect. 

-- its him i love.

I love him
but I do MORE than tell him.

I show him.

I kiss all of him
Rub him down, even when his body isn't hurting him
I love him slowly
& listen to him carefully.
I cater to his needs
& fulfill his wants
I whisper sweet things in his ear
& rub his hair
When he sleeps, I watch him
& when he showers, I wash his back for him
I cant sleep without speaking to him
& wake up needing him.

At the end of the day, I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Written By Me :)

I DON'T KNOW DAT FOOL

Well as luck would have it, well maybe luck isnt the best word to use.....


Scenario: Picture it here I am in bed with the hubby around 9ish in the evening doing our usual watching some shows, and my phone rings....I look I don't know the number I dont answer, then it rings again so I ask him do u know this number, nope so I didn't answer again....the night went on and then about 11ish my phone rings again same number and this time they left a message sooooooooo, I have nothing to hide and as soon as the message started I'm thinkin great its a dude, and he could hear the dude (because the phone volume is loud) and then here it comes....


"who is that"......
ummmmmm ummmmmm......


an old friend from high school, I went from watching a courtroom drama to being in a courtroom drama, lights on, kill the music all eyes on me. 

Now of course we did get over it, I talked to the friend the next day and explained my new life and the rest is history, I really do know that fool.

P.S. Ladies and Gentlemen when you get married please do your best to locate any fool that may think they got it like that, (cause I didn't even play that blowing my phone up when I was single)!
It's just crazy I haven't talk to fool in three yrs, lol....trying to mess up my happy home!

lol....naw he couldn't do that....but ppl beware, let the outsiders know when you're off the market if u can!

this family

This family was sitting across from me on the train and next thing I know, they were sleeping! I apologize if this comes off as a little stalker-ish, but I couldn't resist...it was a must to take a picture, it has love written all over it!!!!

Sam Story

So I started to write for this BLOG like three times.  It has been difficult for me.  First, I was going to post stories of all the losers I have dated.  I started writing about one idiot, then an azzhole, and then a bit3h before I had to stop. Eventually, I realized how fu3king depressed that makes me. So I decided to make it a happy story. The thing that has made me the most happy this year so far has been hanging out with a guy I will call Sam.

Sam came into my job I met with a mutual friend of ours.  The instant I saw him he intrigued me. I had never seen him before and I had to have him.  My coworkers and I were very close and would share stories all the time.  We had a brief exchange of words but no more than I had with any other customer. The second he left I told my coworkers that the next time I see him he will be in my bed. (hahahahahah Readers, please don’t get me wrong- I do not have one night stands nor do I sleep around but I was very sexually attracted to him) Apparently, he told his friend that he wanted him to put in a good word.  In the end, we had this awkward introduction and we made plans to hang out the next week.

Sam and I hung out very often.  We would stay up all night laughing at nonsense stories. We would stay up all night enjoying each others company.  We would stay up all night slowly getting to know each other. We would stay up all night passionately touching. I spent all my free time with him.  I disappeared from my social life. Sam and I became inseparable.

The arguments that we had were over minor things. Any disagreement didn't last longer than a day.  Sam told me that he doesn’t make mistakes. Initially I laughed it off and I truly didn’t believe that. We are human.  It is natural to make mistakes.  If Sam did something that I didn’t like, all I would have to do is explain to him why I don’t like it and how it makes me feel and it will never happen again.  Sam explained to me that the initial incident isn’t a mistake because it isn’t a known fact that it upsets me. Sam upset me multiple times within the first two weeks we dated.  BUT he has kept his word, he hasn't made the same mistake since, or any others.  It is surreal how perfect he is.

Sam and I are very different.  I am very petite. He has broad shoulders.  Sam likes rock music. I am a reggae fan.  He is a lot older than me and has had many life experiences.  I am young and wide-eyed; I have so many things that I want to experience. I do not have any tattoos. Sam is covered in tattoos. He has piercings on his face. Sam mostly dresses in black. Honestly he looks like a bad ass, but he is the sweetest man I know.

We got in an argument one night, and he deleted a guy’s number out of my phone.  He was upset because this guy would text me throughout the week at 3am or 4am.  The guy knew I had a boyfriend but would contact me anyways.  Sam thought the guy was a piece of shit and didn’t want him texting me so late.  I was furious that Sam went through my phone when we have been drinking and deleted this guy’s number. It hurt my feelings that we argued in front of my cousin. The next day, we went to grab some drinks with my cousin.  Sam came out of his house with beautiful red roses.  I was so impressed. The actual roses didn’t impress me, but the thought and effort behind it impressed me.  I thought to myself- ‘what a noble act of kindness to bring me flowers even after we had both apologized to each other and corrected the problem.’

Somewhere since then, I have fallen so in love with Sam.  We have not been dating for long but he is so considerate of my feelings. He is so caring, gentle and kind. In my eyes, we make a beautiful couple.  It’s like a perfect fit. I love his hands, yes hands. I don’t know what it is about them. They are so big, strong, and rough. But nobody has ever touched me the way he does when we are being intimate. I feel like I have dealt with such idiots prior to him that I am finally catching a break. I deserve to be in a wonderful relationship.  Everyone in my life knows of my horrible past ones.  This one is different.

-In love with Sam

He Thought He Had GAME!!!

Once I moved to a new city I met a variety of people and when I say people, 
"I mean men"!!!

There was one in particular, that stood out from the rest. He was 
such a gentleman and I mean 'old school gentleman': He opened doors, always making 
sure I was taken care of and whenever I would feel homesick, he would invite me over to stay with him. So, before 
I knew it, I was living with him. Although, I did not give up my own place. (You never do that).

When I decided to move into a new place, he was willing to do whatever he had to 
to do, to make sure I was happy and to ensure that I never had to worry!  However, for 
about a month, I didn't have a place to stay, because my apartment was not ready.


At that moment in time, he offered his place until my place was ready. So. I stayed with him 
for about a month. Then he had to travel to California for business. I was instructed to make myself at home.  He gave me my own key and everything.  To me, that showed how much he cared.. Until it all came crashing 
down like a ton of breaks.


I was cleaning up some things and found a number just like my number at work but guess what, it was not my number!!!! So, me being a woman, I dialed the number to see who it was. I found out that he was also seeing one of my co-workers. 


D8mn.


I was so hurt that before that muthafuk3r got back that weekend, I moved out!!  When he 
called and I didn't answer (for a day or so) he rushed back from California. You know, form 
his "so call business trip".  


Which I found out my co-worker was from there and she just so happen to be visiting her home town that same weekend.  When he came back and saw that I was gone he was surprised like a muthafuk3.


Jokes on him!

Soon after, I confronted him about the situation and he said she was just a friend (isn't that what they all say)?!   


So, a couple of months later he called and wanted to see me and I agreed. Before you know it all of the feelings that I had for him were back.  


But I remained strong and said to him, "I now have someone that loves and spoils me, like crazy" !


At the end I got everything I wanted: a GENTLEMAN, a PROVIDER AND AN ULTIMATE LOVER!!!   

JOKES ON HIM!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


NOW, WHO GOT GAME?????!!!!


-game